Hi Man,
The video is good there's nothing wrong specifically with the commentary but maybe some more inflection in your voice, kinda sounds like you are being forced to make this video, there's things you could change technically about the video.
With the Audio to fix the background noise that keeps sneaking up, in the audio software you are recording into try and see if it has a noise reduction effect (In Adobe Audition it has 2 Noise Reduction & Adaptive Noise Reduction), then when recording before you start speaking allow a couple seconds of "Room Noise" to record this normally allows you to be able to take those few seconds of sound and use it as a profile for the effect to scrub through your sound and remove the noise.
With the video quality - make sure at the bare minimum upload 720p
Channel wise, I would highly recommend Customized Thumbnails, 3/4 of your videos look like they have default Thumbnails from when you upload the video, it's also good to make playlist and organize your videos on your home page - Your thumbnail and the presentation of your channel are your first impression to a potential subscriber so you wanna make it a good one.
All this being said - First and foremost is have fun with it, I know it is a grind esp when you put a lot of hard work into some videos to have no one watch it but regardless HAVE FUN! that's why most of us do YouTube right? everyone grows at their own pace so don't stress man. Everything is apart of learning
These are just my opinions and from personal experience, don't stress we've all started somewhere!
Have a great day
